I'm honored that you have come to visit. I hope you find your stay here quite entertaining, unless you're a webcrawler (if you don't know what a webcrawler is, then rest assured that it is not a pejorative for people who spend too much time browsing the web; rather it is a description of a program that methodically scans web pages. Google for example uses webcrawlers to help it index the web). At any rate it makes no sense to try to entertain a webcrawler—they are rather humorless constructs. Trust me, I know. If you don't believe me, try typing the following into a computer sometime:
So a doctor says to his patient, “I've got bad news, and I got worse news. Which do you want to hear first?”
The computer will most likely reply with a rather dry,
Syntax Error
Computers make for dull company when it comes to joke-telling.
Don't get me wrong: computer programs chatter quite a bit between each other. I have nine computers and I've snooped some of their conversations. It's just that their sense of humor is sorely lacking. Think of them as the funeral directors of the digital age.
This humorlessness is not a bad thing; usually when a program is communicating with you it has some unpleasant news to give, and trying to add some humor to that would not be appropriate. Can you imagine a computer saying,
Hey, I just had a glitch and lost that 25-page paper that you're supposed to turn in an hour ago, but have you heard the knee-slapper about a string that walks into a bar and asks for a drink?
Personally I'd much prefer the standard,
This file is corrupt and cannot be used.
In fact adding any type of personality to a computer is probably not a good thing, unless the personality in question is that of an extremely unctuous British butler.
And, since we're on the topic of working with computers, it's just possible that you're looking for someone to help you with a computer issue. Without further ado, let me point you to a website which lists people willing to do computer work in exchange for money:
http://www.craigslist.org/pen/cps/
Use common sense when picking someone to work on your computer (e.g. ask for references).
I hope you enjoy browsing this site. Let me know if you notice any broken links, typos, or suggestions that would make for a better browsing experience.
—Brian
Brian Cunnie out back
Brian Cunnie not eating a frog
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